..dear reader..

T’will be momentus. Happy Street, rocket house. Level II.. Almost there just waiting for us to cross the 3 mil mark and for the LED to be made after friggin Pepin made an offer we couldn’t refuse. Should be in an hour or two then we can start the four days or whatever it takes fot the little hard hat dude to change a bunch of pixels. We also have to tidy up our Tribez the civic centre is getting there but the industrial and agricultural areas are just a mess. The wedding area on the beach could do with some work to.. Past the worst when it comes to giving these distractions real cash. The odd wee couple of quid deal is cool been ending up with not enough a lot recently but its Monday and we have baccy and skins to without aggravating our aches by searching under the bed for strays. Am just finishing the last of the milk this now though and haven’t eat a full meal in a couple of days but hopefully next week we will manage all seven days. Even though we are buying a new bed because

It hits like nicotine cravings during the worst of the withdrawal. This isnt safe, no one is ever going to take care of me here, need hugs. Over and over. Its tiring and painful so we do what we can to feel comfortable and sleep or even enjoy a distraction but we know it will hit again the moment we wake. There has been moments recently though when we are the girl swearing she would get out that room and away from those people and from being put through such horrible extremes and know she has. They said I couldn’t because I am alone. They didnt think it was possible for anyone to do anything alone never mind a breeder after everything that is done to them and everything institutionally in place to keep us down and out to clinging by our fingers. We where forced to spend lots of time with pthrt girls who never had any help and when they were training them to be like us we were watching them for how to apear us ruined as they were. It spoke to prejudices everywhere. Comforted and encour

All this could disappear without warning and all that we would be left with the title and nothing else..again.. Too many scripted times of baccyless, not enough food, hungry pusses recently for the buying of any more tech. Particularly as the bed has put up with being propped up by books and shoved against the headboard its supposed to be attached to for years is finally given up. The mattress is kinda curved at the moment which is lovely and womb like but we are worried more of it will collapsed at any moment and it is hardly going to be a big trauma but the not knowing if or when isn't ideal for getting to sleep.. Don't really fancy putting on the mattress on the floor because we will have to hoover first and how will it not trigger? We will be sleeping on the mattress alone in a scary place playing stinking "at least.." games with our self. Next week its high priority though. Had to put landlord (who we accidentally paid twice) and hash guy first this week.. Ther

Getting back into a place where pain even when its not that bad is driving us mental. The boredom is also getting to us. But worst of all is being in an adult body with adult responsibilities when i feel so little and no one is helping us or even talking to us so we can feel stronger and not keep in contact with all our tortured, terrified, bitter or numb parts. Not that we thought they would. They tortured us into total dissociation and then conditioned us with Western norms and we were extremely amnesiac and didnt know the norms are fake, pretend all for show and will never be applied to us or ours. She is the one that had faith or hope in Earth authorities, she is the one that is shocked whenever something horrible is done or said to us. She has come a long way since being told by others she was too powerful and too important to be completely amnesiac and then left to be split again. She is so angry so petrified and we struggle to reach her especially as we have nothing to say th