..three no shows, too much fucking house and a cat that wont shut the fuck up..
Music keeps our mood up. Music and brandy. It wasn't too bad. Still wished we could stay in bed and smoke and people can in and hug us and keep kitchen clean for us. We always struggle with tiredness and overwhelmedness on xmas morning, well all mornings. It's a shame for the dude but he's older and more used to it. He was very excited to bring me the present he bought for us with cash we gave him. Bath bomb and a Rainbow Dash that can be coloured in. But best of all is a unicorn that lights up when you press it's hoof..
Steak, turkey crown, pastry clouds (used the cookie cutter. the cookies were a disaster..) roast yams, corn on the cob for the lad, creamed tatties, gravy of course. It was pretty fabulous. Did well with feasting. There's a good bit of meat to cook in freezer. We have the kitchen all nice its cool to cook in it and have sit down meals with the lad with candles and everything. It is better just us and its been the less stressful one with the lad by far. Still need hugs though. The brandy and tunes keep us warm despite that though.
We have swung back on the existence of "Jon Stewert" who isn't a US made social control bot. There was another one.. he listened to us and gave up on his US ID there was no other way to survive but then the only way for him to survive was for him to be switched back and pretty much loose everything he had learned in his years of being a non US human. We let these swings happen without too much resistance now. There isn't any plans that depend on me being in a particular place on those spectrums to work. We don't swing on a general perspective on what the American media is those. It's all a lot like the BBC. Or the horrific total hold that everything cold and ignorant has on US populations. So many years of having run versions of reality on myself and others that meant we could believe things that are complete fictions one second and then be grounded in nothing but real experience and truth the next. So tiring.
We fell asleep on the couch watching Its a Wonderful Life and got dreams pushing forward teenage parts that want nothing else but to be young and study hard and work hard. They are programmed to be never far because it breaks our heart to have and to have had such simple dreams but for them to be so horribly and completely annihilated. For fucks sake all we wanted was to just be and to see where that got us and everyone else. It's a dream that was forced on us just to be denied. Where we were from we knew there was no "being yourself" especially if you are like me and especially if you are like me and here now. So fucking satanic. Giving people dreams then making sure the apparatus that makes all those dreams impossible is kept in tact. So Western. So heartless. So fucking typical.
Out of crappy hash and chocolate. Think new year early money goes in the day after tomorrow though so we get a decent lump of the shitey stuff then. It's better than nothing and maybe there will be the chance of something green and stinky and chocolate of various standards and prices will definitely be available in the shops.
Gonna do our best to keep mood up. It's more possible and real with the isolation but without people who freak us out. You never need a friend more than when you are in a house filled with people or even just a person who deny and hate everything you are. The lads total amnesia and ignorance but me, himself, reality in general triggers and upsets us less when it just comes from him and isn't coming from Niall and Johnstons as well. Still pisses us off. Just doesn't have us in tears like it used to. None of them fans of us playing and singing along to carols. It's shitty cleaning, cooking and prettying everything for abusive bastards as well. It's all for us and the lad this year though and hope so its been less exhausting and chore like.
Trying not to worry about the bairns up the road they are by far not the only ones without adults who give much of a fuck about anything who are probably having a misrable time. They would be impressed with all all cleaning and decorating.
Steak, turkey crown, pastry clouds (used the cookie cutter. the cookies were a disaster..) roast yams, corn on the cob for the lad, creamed tatties, gravy of course. It was pretty fabulous. Did well with feasting. There's a good bit of meat to cook in freezer. We have the kitchen all nice its cool to cook in it and have sit down meals with the lad with candles and everything. It is better just us and its been the less stressful one with the lad by far. Still need hugs though. The brandy and tunes keep us warm despite that though.
We have swung back on the existence of "Jon Stewert" who isn't a US made social control bot. There was another one.. he listened to us and gave up on his US ID there was no other way to survive but then the only way for him to survive was for him to be switched back and pretty much loose everything he had learned in his years of being a non US human. We let these swings happen without too much resistance now. There isn't any plans that depend on me being in a particular place on those spectrums to work. We don't swing on a general perspective on what the American media is those. It's all a lot like the BBC. Or the horrific total hold that everything cold and ignorant has on US populations. So many years of having run versions of reality on myself and others that meant we could believe things that are complete fictions one second and then be grounded in nothing but real experience and truth the next. So tiring.
We fell asleep on the couch watching Its a Wonderful Life and got dreams pushing forward teenage parts that want nothing else but to be young and study hard and work hard. They are programmed to be never far because it breaks our heart to have and to have had such simple dreams but for them to be so horribly and completely annihilated. For fucks sake all we wanted was to just be and to see where that got us and everyone else. It's a dream that was forced on us just to be denied. Where we were from we knew there was no "being yourself" especially if you are like me and especially if you are like me and here now. So fucking satanic. Giving people dreams then making sure the apparatus that makes all those dreams impossible is kept in tact. So Western. So heartless. So fucking typical.
Out of crappy hash and chocolate. Think new year early money goes in the day after tomorrow though so we get a decent lump of the shitey stuff then. It's better than nothing and maybe there will be the chance of something green and stinky and chocolate of various standards and prices will definitely be available in the shops.
Gonna do our best to keep mood up. It's more possible and real with the isolation but without people who freak us out. You never need a friend more than when you are in a house filled with people or even just a person who deny and hate everything you are. The lads total amnesia and ignorance but me, himself, reality in general triggers and upsets us less when it just comes from him and isn't coming from Niall and Johnstons as well. Still pisses us off. Just doesn't have us in tears like it used to. None of them fans of us playing and singing along to carols. It's shitty cleaning, cooking and prettying everything for abusive bastards as well. It's all for us and the lad this year though and hope so its been less exhausting and chore like.
Trying not to worry about the bairns up the road they are by far not the only ones without adults who give much of a fuck about anything who are probably having a misrable time. They would be impressed with all all cleaning and decorating.
Will do our best to keep it going and find ways to walk that line between hoping for contact and support and accepting it and not being too crushed when it doesn't appear. We love us and we would of found a way to get us out of here eventually and done whatever we needed to do to make sure it stuck and wouldn't get undone through keeping through the isolation, attacks and everything else which would of been the hardest bit because it would of meant committing our self to pre determinism after being and doing everything we can the rest of the time for the exact opposite and then having to keep fighting and living liked we hoped for something better. You can't be unpredictable when you are real but are surrounded by rigid unchangable systems. The systems are going to do what they do and there is a finite ways someone can respond to them, very finite when that person is being kept apart from anything and anyone that is outside those deterministic systems.
We have depressed ourself again. Thinking of the food tomorrow without the expectation to get up early helps and there is a good bit of brandy left and some energy to play, hang out and get the lad to help us out with keeping the place nice. And smokeables the day after tomorrow and the knowledge that there is plenty of love out there and in here for us not to be left here forever and ever and ever even if everyday feels like it. Might use some of that goose fat for some roast potatoes tomorrow if we can arsed peeling potatoes there is xmas mash left anyway and its extremely delish and calourific. Y'all can stay where you are and do what your doing and don't bother coming in and knowing me better man! You don't deserve our xmas mash and definitly not our non Auntie Bessie roasters..
