August 05, 2017

We'll never hand it over for you to destroy.

Been looking through the photos on this computer, mostly of Laura's two growing up, but occasions when Pabs was there to with his blond curls, big dark eyes and huge smile, sturdy build, unbelievably beautiful babe, seriously. Eventuly found a viewer that worked in all the various ones that didn't. Started some folders "Baby pics" for pabs and are thinking about all the ways you can get albums and print outs sent to you. Would like to do it for the kids up the road to. And me. We could get a big ALF picture and put it on a wall.. we are not unaware this is stuff we couldnt go near before. Laura took them out a lot and there is plenty evidence of happy, healthy kids having a good time as well as the reminders of off camera shit and less happy shit, there's one in particular with Pabs and Grace looking into the camera and the look in the eyes and the body language is fucking horrible.

We weren't overwhelmed by the triggers of looking at the adults from a safe distance in time and space. We knew they would happen we felt disgust and hate and the ghosts of serious physical pain and fear. Nothing we weren't prepared for. Broken scum.

Got to a tiny teeny bit about how cool the iphone is. It made a little video of stuff we shot and put music to it and we thought it was amazing. We are starting to get an inroad with the tech phobia thankfully because of the monster Niall has donated to pabs that is currently in the living room and refusing to run a browser. To be honest as we are only just making a start with the tech triggers we are quite happy for it to only be partially functioning and in the living room. We will get more comfortable with the big box and yes its a big box and impressive he doesnt buy shitty tech over the next day or two while we deal with his room as well.

Lass gave us a hug when we gave her holiday/thanks for keeping cats alive presents and said no one had ever given her stuff like that before. Her mates often sound quite shitty.

We've been getting little flashes of our history with the area now that we're are not there and feel less scared of getting into shit we couldn't handle whilst away from home with a kid. With a couple we felt nothing for but weren't being treated bad by them and didn't mind pretending we were a family when out in public. We remember the car park on the island, the man and the women talking about tide times. We remember feeling desperatly sorry for all the kids who weren't us and didn't have our support or training. There was friendly faces everywhere that the couple didn't know anything about, other kids had none of that they had the opposite all the time not some of the time like me. One of them noticed something with up, saw the smiles and the eye contact and how awake we were I think but it was to late. We were told to run and that we knew where to and we did. It was major stuff and we knew it. It wasn't ancient place usual shit, we remember our hands shaking and screaming even in total relief and gladness. So fuck knows what that was about. To do with masonic fake history and the traditions to protect the truth and humanity probably. That was our work and most of it we had to do alone or with the help of someone who had a 50/50 chance of actually working to do the opposite of what we were doing.

"What did you find in Lindisfarne?"

"You've got no hope of ever getting that out of us. All your torturing is just gonna bury it deeper from you and all your irrelevant kind."

They left frustrated and left us half dead but never surer we could survive.