August 06, 2017

Daddy I think I've found a friend.

Hello beautiful amazing strong sexy gorgeous wonderful husband who loves us very very much and always has and always will and see us all of us no matter how much they made you not see us and how much we couldn't yous.

Husband who know the penis of to and not just from providing medical attention and being locked up naked and starved together or from being forced to watch them hurt you and picture or being shown the pictures they took just like you know all our physical female parts and scars. Those worries that it wasn't right that we were already to family already and it would pretty much be incest. Definitely all crap.. Definitely. Daddy did say that, that he had seen the way we were when we talked about you and then when he met you how we looked at you and how you talked to us. He wandered off to cry he was so relieved but we knew we he would so let him go and then went after him. He hadn't gotten far out the hanger. It was a different crying and that was strange at first but then okay and then really hopeful.

What were we writing about. Oh yes. Your penis. Not that we have much visual memory but there are other kinds. Brain keeps shoving in rape and exploitation but they just evaporate, we see their origins and manipulations and the attempt to make unbreakable associations between rape and sexual love, the parts that were sceptical and those they had so deliberately broken beforehand and lots in between and all it's power over the way we feel being completely overwhelmed by us last year.

We were really young and really really skinny when you found us in the basement and showed us nothing but compassion ever since. Seeing you fight for us was kinda annoying coz we knew we had to fight for us and you and we were so weak. We got stronger though and you learned what we were up again fast. So fast we didn't believe at times and we are sorry for that.

Saying our name was "Julia" in Skene and that wasn't us back then we can't really apologise for it was too necessary, not to you we have been very sorry for Julia though and kinda had to do everything we could to help her after we said that, think she smacked us pretty hard when we said that was probably why she was getting constant grief and we thought it fair game. Then she clicked that was how it was and always had been for us and was a fucking wreck, sobbing and screaming and rocking me in a pile on the floor for ages. We got close like we used to be after that. Think that might of part of why it was her name we came up with.. It was fucking devastating though, seeing you and lying to you and triggering ourself into remembering Julia and me at the same fucking time. We knew we were to close to being wiped out completely to worry about anything. There's a weird peace and freedom in that amongst the horror.

Being close to Julia again meant it was possible to be sometimes again and it meant we could start keeping and eye out for each other and finds ways to resist and organise again. And be girls again.

The antidepressants, the Johnstonlessness, the other side of a nervous break down, the other side of .. well a lot war and slavery may not be completely out of it yet but definitely heading in the right direct.. The table of little boxes and greetings for recipients across the globe. Please except this gift of the dust of your most powerful weapon as a small token to celebrate the public formal and legal marriage of us and yous..

Ha.

Not so funny you and everyone else having to go away though because they still have all second greatest weapon - vast swathes of programmed conditioned populations everywhere making no effort to resist or heal..



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