May 02, 2017

Hope you had a good May Day Mummy &

The three lucky dip buddleia came. Labels saw they are pink, blue and red. We are a little worried they would come back red, whit and blue but they say the arnt so that's fine. One of them looks kind of sickly but it will probs come round. Not inspired to do much out there today it is too dark and cold, need the tools to arrive before we can put them where they are going to go anyway. We can't decide what to do along the side of the path. That white smelly stuff is quite a spreader it would be pretty cool but we have been looking at heathers to.. Oh the fairy isn't cast iron after all she is heavy resin stuff painted to look cast iron and is looking very cool sitting on the wood fence. Next to the atrocity that is next door..

A few hours of sunshine would work wonders, sure it will happen soon..

We are kind of reassessing where how we are doing. That's a really good sign. Telling them we would agree to die as long as we got to see certain people first worked. They brought them in and we didn't want to die any more. We weren't so amnesiac and dissociated that we would consider anything anyone says to us any more. We arn't alone. People know things they need to know. Decent agents know enough our mother and their colleagues to not fall for it any more. The power of fake constructed abusers families so much removed which meant the power of the rings over us is greatly undermined. People who love us the most knowing the worst, not being alone with the worst any more. Our parents finally able to get the darkest of our humour. Sisters all with homes..

We roll our eyes at folk when we are asked about it but we are repeatedly asked to say more about the Satanic history, Masonic history. We have to roll our eyes coz its the sort of stuff than naively answering questions about as a child nearly cost all of us our lives, over and over.

"What's happening here today.. is it.." We could see he was struggling but was unlikely to give up and were interested to see what he was going to come out with. "Is it the mills?" We were pleasantry surprised. He done well. We wanted to lie to him just to make him feel better. We frowned and shook our head,

"No it's the wheels."

His colour drained further and we felt the need to try give him something. He must of seen or knew enough about that day with the projectors back in 01. The pictures were all events, shit that had not happen yet but we mostly knew we couldn't stop or knew we had to do, then it changed to either ors, some of them were just plain weird and maybe almost positive it was changing to quick to process before it went back to things we knew we couldn't avoid. The hospital. Then it went all fast, too fast for most of us then there was the wheels buckling and the mills crumbling, the actual events themselves not knowable but the collapsing of the systems was a definite as was the violence of it. It shocked us for a bit before it hit home that we were going to free.

"Think this means it will definitely happen though.." We offered, "..the destruction of the mill.." saying it out loud gave it a reality we didn't realise we were unprepared for but we breathed through it."However it happens."

He was turning to leave and stopped suddenly when we said that. "You don't know?"

"Nope. The events aren't predetermined just that the forces coming together will destroy it" How could he possibly have more colour to loose? He started to say something but it fell away and all he managed was "But.." We were disappointed. We thought he wasn't that bad. Now the state of his suit and stressed, sweatiness made us feel so ill so suddenly we thought briefly we might go under before seeing the contrast between that very stressed sweatiness and our own calm and coolness.

We looked him straight in the eye, smiled raised our eyebrows and said, "No more determinism. Wow. I'll get free. Mental huh?" He made a start like he was going to go for us but stopped when he saw that this just made us look even more relaxed and pleased. He was all out of script and would have to go back outside and see who or what was available to give him more. I can't remember if we were standing or sitting but we remember thinking about who would be available to help him out and just started feeling so good. Think we cried and could use those tears as further proof of our mental and emotional incapacity. He was not happy about being dragged into all this we heard his say. The other guy was looking back at us and saying to the posh fat bloke that he was an idiot for believing we were or were capable of being active in anyway, the lesser rungs was begging him but was getting him nowhere. We gave him a little twinkle but was all little and scared and amnesiac and confused again when the rich cunt turned back. The lower local scenes prick was fuming and was shouting about us not getting away with this as he walked out.

What is this time, between the smashing of the wheels by destroying the RA rings and before the catastrophic destruction of the mill? Time to grow flowers mother says, time to smoke flowers and eat anything whenever, time to let go of all the acting and the denying and just be.

Okay Mummy.