February 16, 2013

Still

Txted my pal this morning to find out my chances of getting any weed today, she said probably not today but soon. Today is the anniversary of a still birth for the couple she gets it from.  This was enough to set me off, crying loud enough and long enough for wee man to hear and come in the room to ask why I was sad, why I was crying.  Still birth? In a hospital, with medical attention, the support of a long term partner/family/friends, a burial, a name, a date without being concussed, drugged or hit with enough mind control so you forget the specifics, feelings never go though.   Flowers, hugs, sympathetic GPs.  I don't think many of mine born after 22 weeks or so were still, to begin with anyway.  Why the little fuckers would hold onto life so hard I'll never know anymore than I know why I held on to life when I could of so easily just of let go.  Except of course to piss people off.  It was the thought of exposing my family one day that did it some days.  That would include the same woman who calls herself my mother that I've just handed wee man over to for the night because I'm in too much of a state to do much with him and don't have anyone else.  Even though I knew what would happen to them I was often so glad they were there, with me and knowing they were going to die meant I didn't have to fear them being brought up as fucking posts and to rape, betray me.

It's still February.  The 15th stands out like many dates at this time of year but I can't give you names of those involved in each specific occasions, sometimes my family and Savile, sometimes just family, sometimes Savile and others, sometimes police, sometimes just others and of course no real evidence.  Early stage forced abortions, the Dream Team, lots.  Usually in my bedroom.  

Clicks have started on the line again, I guess that means the police from up here have contacted the met.

Talked about some of my Ian Watkins experiences, how Savile showed him how up to bring up little me and how him and the bitch from the Suger Babes hurt both me and PT, how they tried to get others involved but they weren't into it.  She didn't include it in the statement, she waiting to see what the met think about the rest of the Savile stuff.




1 comment:

  1. I'm so sorry about your babies. I wish I could send you flowers, for each and every one of them, and for you. When the first flowers come out in spring, I'm going to pick some, find somewhere beautiful and let them drift off with the wind to you in Scotland.

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