February 05, 2013

Ramblings from a Straight Jacket.

Right Digital Spy!!

I've joined but am still not allowed to contribute! If I could I might flag up the 'straight jacket' comment as pointlessly abusive and possibly in breach of the sites' terms and conditions.  I have dreams about being a professional writer, the blog is partly a way of working out my voice and trying out different styles, testing what I can and can not say.  It is also (and probably most importantly) for venting and a way of recording my memories (for me) as they come up because I often forget them.  I am not interested in arguing about cannabis, you don't know me or how cannabis helps me enjoy life and instantly stops any thoughts of self harm or suicide.  I have had enough misery and hopelessness in my life and am not prepared to accept a second more of it than I have to.  My current psychiatrist gave me the diagnosis of both DID and MPD which I find useful because when I'm dissociated I'm 'not there' no one is, but with MPD I am someone else, although usually I am conscious of everything I say and do as the result of team work between alters.  The anger in the poem is a reaction to some of the comments but is also a response to the sensationalisation of all kinds of sexual abuse and how victims are often further objectified and alienated by the professionals, fiends and family members who we desperately turn to for help.

There is no point in trying convince anyone who has faith in existing systems such as police, courts, politics to protect the vulnerable or of the scale of corruption, cover up and violence that is inherit throughout.   Telling anyone I talked to police about Savile and everything else while he was still alive 2 years ago, 7 years ago and god knows how many times as child or adult when it was ongoing is not going to make any difference if they have already decided I'm a nutter.  I am far from the only one who only feels confident to publicly  discuss rape after the abuser is dead and other people are all ready coming forward.

Please don't interpret my blog as being written to be a factual account of everything that has happened to me and everyone who has hurt me.  I'm a creative writer trying different ways to express, share, work through and move on from a horrific childhood and early adulthood. It is a personal blog, that I write for personal reasons which of course anyone can interpret what ever they like from it.    

13 comments:

  1. Bless....Herb works for I with my demons/duppies in the same way...and if them still chunter on in the background i put the big speakers on and drive them away big stylee
    stand strong, roy

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    1. Nice. I can't get us to join up thinking sometimes without spliffage, its a nightmare, I start feeling like I'm still back there. Lots of my docs have been cool about and told me not to worry as whatever I'm doing to survive was obviously working and it wasn't a massive health risk. D

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    2. Yes, think thats about it...had a good one with my "shrink" today, pretty lucky as have a belter....do call by my blog if you fancy some reggae, have some mix`s stashed away between the other tings. Good Works,roy

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  2. DigitalSpy approves membership for writing in the forums in 24h. It didn't work for me either in the first time. I used another e-mail the second time and it worked.

    You may join the thread, people will listen, but they are skeptical of SRA. Have someone who was a victim of it may generate construtive discussions. There are some trolls, but don't listen to them.

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  3. Cheers, I'm leaving it for now. I understand people being skeptical about SRA, I didn't believe it either and it had been going on my whole life.

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  4. It is a pity you won't join DS. But do what you think it is for the best. I hope you'll be there in the future.

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  5. The problem daff is that while you use the blog to practice creative writing, you are also giving accounts of sensational abuse which you insist are true. You really cannot blame anyone for not knowing if it is all in your head.

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  6. 'sensational abuse' are not words that I would ever put together to describe rape and child murder (even if fiction) because it distracts from the devastating impact of such things and suggests excitement, fun even. There are many things I've said I'm not sure about and its not your problem to figure out what was real and what was mind control, it's mine.

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  7. Actually Daff it is now the police's job, and one I don't envy them. You allege satanic abuse, mind control, multiple forced abortion (?if I read it right) and abuse by more than one celebrity. Those are sensational allegations, in that if they are proven true they would cause a sensation - but you are not clear in your own mind whether they happened or not.

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  8. This is a blog and not a police statement. I'm talking about well over 20 years of extreme organised abuse and cover up starting from sometime around my birth involving my whole family, neighbors, VIPs, hard core pornography, ritualised rape, murder, drugs, torture, multiple personalities, mind control and much much more and you come back at me with words like 'sensational' and 'proven true'. I'm done.

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  9. I am reading your work and am a teacher who recently took a student through A Level English Language and believe me, with a proof reader to help, you could do that writing you dream of. You have bags of creativity just waiting in the wings. Go for it.

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  10. Please leave any comments you wish on my site: http://trustchristorgotohell.org/

    It is powerful that you have blog going. Do you name other abusers than Savile? Do you list bloodlines you know?

    I pray wholeness for your soul - and deliverance, in Yahshua's Name. Amen.

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  11. If weed helps center you then use it. Don't listen to the trolls. I have recently been studying up on the powers that be and their influence, I was brought to your site by looking into the jonbenet case.

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