June 16, 2016

Fuck You Vatican

We know no contact and no news does not know that no one wants to contact us and that there is no news. We also still know we are alone in Britain and all the worst antihumanitarian shit is untouched and ongoing. We can still feel that Reading station. Just like we were programmed to through ids that still stroll in and out of BBC, NHS and/or government buildings. We were kept there tied up a lot. It's Britain. Keeping high IQ children drugged up and in various kinds of metal boxes, putting explosives in them that will go off if they are rescued or sometimes, just gently held is what all industries and officially sanctioned "creativity" just like the US.

The U.S is bigger though. There are much more resources of all kinds. It is possible to find people who will listen, who will act, who recognise the only borders are between people who acquiesce in such total control and total fascism and those who don't.

We could hear them last year. We knew there wasnt any more children in boxes of the basement of Nasa buildings any more and we didnt blame them when finally got another Sonny out. Comedy Central's. The horror U.S networks and the British slavery enforcing masonic police and organised crime are always very, very close.

To see new to the clean up CIA destroying the brains of a group of christ what can we call them, I'm sure militarly me will have some very specific terminology. Hard to call them humans when there is that much tech in them and that much near and far control..They put a sheet of transparent plastic over us but after what they did that day and depending on what they did next they could have Quine tech privilidges by now.  For a moment we could be.. they asked us if there was explosives in them we said "and worse. If you see terror in us its not a rape or DID programming trigger Sir it's cause they are riddled with all sorts ..and there's rape and DID programming."

We always love just sitting and watching as information, skills and technology are being shared between people our evil overlords who rather never met never mind sharing everything they had with each other. If shit like that keeps up they are doomed.

Another pile of corpses that look like Radio 1 DJs but we all knew that the DJs would still be with their "families", never left their "work" and were with "friends and associates" the whole time. Chris Moyles and his pair, Spoony and his. That should be the last of their decoys though. Not necessarily though. Ah this is Britain it's me they design those places to keep us out of.. yes while also forcing us to stay here..

Wasn't normal day to day life for the new to this or newly awakened CIA they were varying from pale faced and speechless, to obviously dissociated, to pukeing his guts up. Never apologise for puking your guts up over this shit Sir, everyone experienced concurred. You have no idea what sound means to us. How hard we have all worked for that mess you've made there..He got a pat on the back and some words of encouragement from a passing Italiano. Seemed to work as well as that does for us.

Pale was sitting on the road next to a colleague.

"Dude did you get how to help dissociated colleague training?" We said and nodded towards his colleague who was obviously dissociated to fuck. Sitting there listen as mother fucking CIA gave each other umano anti dissociation aid. So fucking wonderful. I wasn't the only one who had to employ some of those very seem techniques to get through it.. We didnt them to see the state we were all in over it. Their faces, the cloaks they came out for under fine whatever, the state we were all reduced to over the new umano CIA, no, look away Sirs..

Obama on the blower. Nae bother. Hilary or Trump people we will not be willing calling or taking calls from either of that pair they are the same fascists, half dead, institute program. Exactly the same shit will happen. Exactly.. "Your taking Milne now yeah?" We could feel the enthusiastic head nods he's the president though so its not like he could not get even a partial fucking brief. Showing long term FBI Louise Milne got the same faces I got when we banged on a van full of guys who knew us as an American Forces friend and sometimes boss after walking out of a Royal residence..

All those fucking years, all that surveillance and the FBI didnt know what the Quine's actually looked like or who they were actually related to. Thats just it "all that surveillance" They were searching for us. They would have me and Louise searching for ourselves. Sick. Cunts. It's devasting for the FBI too they who had be told to find these children at any cost and given budgets.. Poor buggers.

Not. Happy. People.

So good to finally say to Amanda and Katrina after we picked ourselves up and reluctinatly left the field.
"Girls see that group of Feds over there taking DNA swabs. Much sure you let them swab you, actual you and give them your locked in box Scottish name."

Off they casually strolled. When made like to then wisened the hell up and stayed to assist in the following bloodbath which might of been the or at least one of the longest running gunfire battles of the day. We had just a signal to one of the Feds who were all alive bar for one who wasnt there anyway to cover the table in their lovely plastic see though sheeting. Jokes over that of course as we scraped, wiped, rinsed etc ourselfs off about ffs girls did no one else think to bring clingfilm? While we individualy all messed up to the shit we were carring after collectivly agreeing it was probably best we didn't. But it was bloody good we did.

The Feds would of noticed us all switching. And certainly noticed as we were forced to hand to hand our self defense items over to masonic scum while Feds who were about to take DNA when it was possible to ensure they only got theirs. Quite a moment. Trina did the wise as fuck dumbed down thing with one of them. Giving him repeat samples because the guy was saying their was multiple donors. We did our best. And certainly made a pretty good job at swabbing every kid any of the three of us came into contact with here in Scotland.

Milne out the fucking country, the attacks it triggered almost entirely contained. Almost was enough to demonstrate the effects that shit has on us.

There has been times when there was kids in those boxes and CIA/Nasa Nazi program carriers across the British mainland and the Americas installed and showed their plants and tolerant locals who to use and maintain them..

Might just be me and Pabs left now on that extreme end of things.


It was shame the field had to be cleared so quickly. In any other country it would of been possible to preserve the scene longer and let more folk see. They would have to make do with VT. Someone complained about it to us and we agreed but said that this was the only place in the world where all these old well protected well cared for human coders and dissocation experts . ould agree and it be agreed they would all be sent to at the same time. He looked shocked. Yes I might be here Sir but remember how the masons and the rest have kept all information from getting any where and its a fascist stronghold of course. The hospitals, the schools the government buildings have never been cleaned. It never stops and their will never be any intention of it stopping. The stations Sir.. the shit that is being blasted at me and shit the stops us from reaching our friends or collegues" We motioned towards him took a deep breathe and continued. "Our comrades. Its untouched. They just turn it down .. or up.. depending on what suits them."

We turned back to admire the field. "Easier .. possible for you to know more know though." all splayed out in by nation or language. Amanda kicking that guy's head off. How fucking marvellous that was. Too marvellous we got quite distracted

Jesus imagine if this was Italy or somewhere hot and not bucketing down. It would stink in seconds.


We completely stand by our comrades declaration of land war to start a year from then a year ago. But I think that's quite apparent.

June 15, 2016

ever decreasing circles eventually go pop

Yeah we will most likely be coming back to all that.. Mental. The fucking whole fucking world has either declared war on you UK or refused the fight against us and you are all pretending it isnt happening or wont effect you..

We've remembered what we found when we peeled back Jon's face.. Someone had been here before, once as an adult an once as a child at least but no obvious sign of physical trauma. A lot of effect for a trafficking network to go to.. or was it attempts to keep him out? Lizzie said she didnt know but like she could talk but me and Margerat always find a way. Oh yeah that fucking voice in our head saying "Russian" .. did the KGB say they were missing someone and feared the worst. Dude I'm more Jewish than you are.. Vlad shared the DNA profile. Oh thank fuck.. yeah Putin eventually being able to talk to the KGB and vis versa is kind of one of those "oh we might not always be slaves things" .. but it will take fucking years..

oh my god.. all those files...

Goddam British Nazi breeding programs.. ah well at least I've remember who my mum is and that is fucking cool. She's fine. Her head's fine, she fucking mental but thats fine she's our mother she has to be mental.. She's Janice. She's still Janice.

Here you go. One picture of me and living family tree which I still can't see fucking all of. Bits at a time. But still not all. Taken in Tuscany. What a jolly family joint that was..

We gathered the coffee shop around and opened the picture. There was nothing but gasps, swears, the sound of dropped crockery and the sight of blood draining from faces.

Eventually. Everyone is sitting down. "What the fuck am I supposed to do with that?" He's searching for something in yiddish we can tell but he can't find it. We did though. It's not currently translatable.

Sir you how there is issues everywhere with DNA and DNA files and we do have files and databases we you show you but its really hard for us and would result in a security nightmare for yourself what with the masons and all.. And youve been really respectful because its obviously not just me that is fucking this shit up for people and besides you cant get near any of our systems anyway.. Well we thought we should show you this as an example of what we are dealing with here.. My friends... and you know who I mean by my friends don't you Sir have really encouraged me to share this you and start opening up our systems to show what else we have..

I hadnt puked yet but we were starting to dissociate really badly. Breathe out. and continue...

It's not getting to the bottom of things thats the issue here Sir. We have all that. All of it Sir. It's always been getting information out to the people who need it safely that's been an issue but is going to become much less of one..

We were floundering. I put myself momentarily back in one of the cages, in one of the metal boxes then back to the present. Oh this is ridiculous.. Back to basics. Who or what are speaking to here specificaly? We thought of our most clear headed bro and squinted at the fucker.. ah ok thats helps.

Trying to sound as we had but moving towards being more confident.

Sir are you aware that we got everything out of the Vatican we needed.

Much better. He's wasnt looking so confident now. We knew the routine he would act like he was taking it all seriously say some good sounding stuff then go of and order us to be killed. We knew this system Sir. Come on. I've been in your lecture rooms you fucking trained me yourself. Individual's don't exist in systems like though. We saw who was approaching and who would be given the order and we were physically cringing at it. Ah well. At least we don't need to have the "yeah about your boss" conversation with him now.

It's alright I'll deal with it. He was up for it though its not just that Sir he's riddled with tech and explosives and we need teams of people to deal with sort of stuff. Another portable incinerator down. We left with our arm round a dissociated CIA guy he sounded about four as the Russians and Koreans playfully argued about the replacements programming while the Chinese explosives people looked on in dismay..

As we were leaving the replacment started joining in with the banter in Scots and triggered us badly but we were leaning a pile of smiling parts so that helped as did hearing teams explain in English to the replacement how fucked the masons were. They volunteered for that shit. To not exist and be nothing but like in an chain that sought to keep down everyone. Our guy cackled fabulously when he heard and asked if it was all true and all we do was dissociate and nod and say yep..


We left Jacqui's before and after head scans for her and them to find in the basement of Woodend. The lab and theater someone built for us after the last one was blown up. Where we did some very fine work, right below where they did some of the worst of theirs. Someone wrote fuck you Jacqui on the light box between the scans. She told us she got the message in session but also said didnt believe the scans. Either off them. Hard not to smile when a long term destroyer of the human spirit tells you it doesnt believe you performed surgery on it.

No you wont. Even if someone if turning up the make Jacqui believe dial your not going to recive it. Dont worry you still have all your programming. It's just that if they want to contact or eliminate you they can do so through conventional means. You do know it was your mason police friends who organised it dont you. The same that took you up there to see it.. you do recognise that as something that they do or at least is done. To take someone back to the site of trauma and gloat and trigger someone.. Your no use to them now. You were supposed to fuck up me and have completly failed. And your a women.. And their masons.. Or at least that's what they thought anyway they are all victims of very serious mind control and brain damage and are very easy to manipulate, particularly if you know their triggers because you were forced to be there when they installed them or if you are very experienced with this stuff and could figure them out..

The DNA records Jacqui. Thirty years of different kids being sent to school or the doctors being told they are the same kid. Everything the NHS has done we recorded and it is all save.

That was the one she really didnt like. As we left Milne walked in and it had been indeed quite a therapeutic sessions. We knew like the CIA bloke we had said the thing that meant she had to call a hit on us. That meant Jacqui Law called a hit on the Quine through the Scottish masonic murder networks..(...)Which meant heaps of folk playing us the phone call and phoning to ask WTF..


Ah well. Had to get a hold of you some how.


What was it that made us puke so much when we put in in the attic back in August 2014.. A dummer downer we called it, a dream fuckeruper, they have scripts for our dreams for the next two years do you want to see them?

Cant even go in the room now it feels so horrible in there it always did even when we got it looking nice. It's the 16th tomorrow..

June 14, 2016

The Purges. (1st draft)

Thank fuck for the German's and when we got there after being pushed back from up in Scandanavia somewhere, Marseilles. German's of course had seen it coming. There was plenty there that had survived every kind of buracratic psyduo scienticific Satanism that had crushed everyone around them. Plenty humans around in positions of authority. Orders were switched on a massive scale. Hospitals, schools, industries, militaries and business who deal with dead, were cleaned by this side and not the other. We knew there was nothing that umano FBI could do in the states they would just be destroyed but working with what the fascists were doing to corpses in Germany while they heard everything they loved in what many of them still thought of as their "home nation" kept them safe and Germany in the end to.

"Don't believe everything you are hearing. We are evacuating some areas by force and letting the enemy think they have taken them" We kept telling them. You see it actually click in some and others had to have it explained them in their own language in clear terms by their peers, there isn't any "nationalities" there is people who put shit like this in all the dead people they get there hands, people who keep living children in metal boxes and people who don't..

We saw you sometimes when were still had lines and when it was just you and me and we had to try and not hate ourself for being glad we finally had some time alone with you..

Jesus how our Italian wept when she found out his "nationality" she knew the last 20 years were a gonner and wouldnt be able to explain it to the rest of us without also explaining it everything out there that wanted us destroyed and didnt already know.

Our face screwed up "British hospitals down" that couldnt be right. Be asked someone to say and translate what they heard. "consolosated" yep that is more like it and then something about the schools that few bothered listening to because it was nothing we didnt already know. It's Britain. It invents, it hoards and it teasures a perfect balance of horror and ignorance. You could walk into peoples houses and find them lieing there and you could wake them up easily sometimes and say what was going on and what was planned, force them to took at their streets, their skies, what was being done to their family members but they would just push you away and go back to pretending it was too scary and looking at the pretty pictures prepackaged for their vacous nature hating heads.

Any sigh of life is fucking trap. And it always always. Living heard the evacuation signals before or when it was ongoing as their distress calls quietened it was like it often was. Their was no dead heavy air but a peaceful stillness, like the night before Christmas songs and dreams we sent out to the kids to protect whatever was left of their minds.


the Ukraine station, then later this morning/lunch time Timbuktoo .. feel it..

June 12, 2016

Exploding Humans.

I'm born and bred in the compounds and factories with natural potentials than had me ear marked as someone who could be broken down into something that would take over from the old Nazi and other source programmers. This meant privileges when we were very young to show we were one of the fascists and not one of the subjects. They would take us to their posh homes, put powerful or very valuable objects in our hands and tell us it would be ours one day. We knew we werent alone though. We knew we didnt have a choice and not in the way they were telling us. The issue was always all far to go along with it. The longer and better we pretended the more we saw of how they operated and the closer we got to doing real damage to them and their systems. Of course though, the more damage I saw the more damaged I was.

 So from tiny babyhood we saw and were being trained in what they were doing to people and how they did it and what the long term plans were, what the brain damaged hate bots running the compounds thought was going on what the investors who never or rarely set foot in the places had planned. They weren't going to stop us destroying stuff, they had their own plans for the victims and for us.

One of the main activities that went on was brain surgeries and experiments with brain injuries but there was lots of other surgies to, reproductive related of course but also inserting small very small explosive capsules inside the bodies of children and adults and then showing the victims the video of them doing it after. How horrific is that, how could we fight to keep a person alive and have hope of surviving with one of them in them? They had us scrubbing in and present in surgeries since toddler hood and they put monitors showing babies horrific stuff running hour after hour so you learned so much more than you knew. Jackie Law was a big presence in at least one of the compounds.

 It must of been so awful for kids and adults who had other lives before. When they didnt injure the brains they just kept them starved and raped with one of them inside them. We shared as much as we could and didnt listen to the voices who said we should make sure they never found out we were sharing and that the best thing to do to help people was to do as we were told. We had listened to them. We had been present in a brain surgery. Where the just keep drilling, and probing and cutting and inserting. Never again. As if just being a slave and not being one of them who had rich, comfortable homes was enough to make me agree to be present in another never mind 1,000s or 10000's more.. Showing them how much we were telling people stuff was they changed our program and thanks to the double agents got put in a cage with our grandad.. lots!!

You cant run home to your loved ones or cross to the other side when they know you are riddled with explosives. Although in reality most of the people who they put them were also given so much brain damage, receivers, modulators, things that emit electrical pulses, hormone excreter etc that they had no idea who they were before. How much they broke us by exploding intelligent, sensitive children by exploding them in front of their families I don't know. We do know they didnt really start successfully mining us until after the wall came down and the only real organised resistance in the Industrialised West was destroyed, driven underground. As literally underground. And any other way anything alive anywhere could think of to hide and protect and limit the total fucking purge that was unleashed and is documented else where..

 Lots of the RA kids were told they had them and no amount of us telling and proving to them that they didnt would change their behaviours and get them to challenge their programming. Christ its just as well they never picked any of them to replace the source programmers. They weren't smart enough. Not smart enough to be selected for the elite, was not smart enough to not know when to challenge programming and also not smart enough to be used in the worst of the breeding or be exposed to the real worst of what was going on.. 

There have been years when the scale was so massive that a a lot of people had them and we take them out but the people, people who tell us we are not helping them or their theirs by having explosives removed from their internal organs would work and be worked so hard to stop us.

It was so fucking isolating. What else could we do but start filming and sharing whatever we could. Not like it would be hard to get cameras, access to uploading tech, feeds, or servers as we were being victimised by and with the surveillance and pornography industries.. 

Woodside Hospital Aberdeen.... (not that ARI was a place of healing) .. Just on the edge of the town on the road to Westhill where the absolute worse of the anti humanitarian work was ongoing on in Aberdeen.. Or was until we battled our "evil twin" took her in to autopsy, showing her real definitly adult non ours face under the mask, the utterly waxed legs and pubes, which we compared to our full head of hair at 10/11 but only after we took of the fake hand skin, ran her prints through our multi agency system where it came back as "Rose Hendrix" Nasa employee.  Cause all scientist women in their 30s or 40s go for the full wax huh? 

We didnt do much autopsy after that. Just rolled her over to the inciniator and set the timer. 

Outside the Italian military where there (Tia Amo.) to see the destruction rout when the incinerator sent of the explosives. Double stripe? Triple stripe? Several Singles and a few others? dunno.

Outside the caravan we saw a group of single strip Brits dressed as Italians standing the round the corpse of the same as them. Keeping him safe for the fascists adding for shit in in an attempt to restart it or for harvesting. There really was only one thing to two. The Brits invested a lot in radio, radio to control their military application meat puppets. Radio that controls the shit in their head that controls their movements and the bomb but they were pretending to by Italian military and we knew had to let some of them keep the weapons or their slightly less meat muppet controlers would notice. Sure enough. We linked up to him and got him unholster and point at the corpse while sending signals to keep the others blind to it. 

Quick warning to the actual Italians and others around, trigger pulled, the corpse goes off and we see one, two and the start of a third and fourth before we under the coroner and several other livings. Our body judders a bit which he mistakes for a cry but it isnt and we say after everyone has picked up themselves and has started picking off bits and our apologies have been brushed off, "I think Anaiese would of approved.. and Robert." No one disagreed.

We did get to hug him before he died. Anaiese helped and others.

Ours are either much less or much destructive, Mk1, Mk2, Mk3. Mk1 will hurt you if you standing near one when it goes of but probably not kill you. Sounded like gun fire that was quite far away when two went of in our Fintry living room when we where next door in the bedroom. What a mess. But no burning on the walls or structural damage. Mk 2. issues with bones resolved. They go off in packed clubs and there is no "collaterol" but everyone is very, very messy... It's bit RA I know but hey fuck you. They are remotely triggered. So there are no scenes like there was when guys in proper explosives suites were trying to lift the three women explosives bags very gently down the stairs when one off them went off and hurt off the guys pretty bad.. We helped him onto Pabs been very gently and dozed him up and went help get the other two out. At least one of them was a lot easier to handle now.. Been there. Its very painful for days. Everything hurts. Everything inside, everything outside.

The most important difference of between the stripes and all of their shit compared to mine is mine doesnt go off if its moved after the host has died. 

Can you imagine what would of happened if we had let Scottish Police in on nights like that. Hint: they only way they will get access to armour and bags like that is if they given to them by us or ours. They are of course filled them all sorts with all kinds ongoing programming and triggered going on.. all of them.

Mk 3 (4??) thats a bit more destructive and will and has taken medium to large seized buildings down. A hotel once. Atl east. It got on the Western MSM and everything, not us claiming responsibility and explaining what was going on on it the hotel and what else had to be done to stop it of course. But locals knew and the national government listened after that was what mattered most to us.

Our forces are out there. Always. Removing and returning those that were replaced by such horror because the fascist scum thought they had us and put us in charge of the murders and the murderers..

Ohh. Incoming message .. to Comedy Central and the BBC from the folks at NASA who don't keep children or adults in metal boxes for fucking and mining.

We are coming for you and we know everything. Everything.

June 08, 2016

battle lines

Well Pabs programming is anything other than we that it would be "what is the news said a meteor was on its way? Not a meteorite mummy a meteor there is one ever 10000 years.." "what if this glass in my hand exploded mummy. Ever since I was hit in the head twice with a tennis ball I cant stop thinking of explosions" "this is how I speak in my dreams to the aliens.." When we suggested that if a meteor was on its way we would have to leave our stuff and he started crying.Well tomorrow is tomorrow after all.

We he said the shit about the tennis ball and after we road the wave of anxiety we said loud and clear "that's a trigger honey. .. Just means you got a scare.." and whatever else we could muster like "we gotta your head fixed honey"..

No fucking way is he going back to that school after the break. We will be able to burn this place down and head to Glasgow with him this year. We cant stay in this house or this area. You sick fucks.

Ok. We don't get out much or at all and when that's going on we always know the few opportunities we do get to go out are part of the problem not the solution. And of course there is all the stuff with Jacqui talking about her and CIA, NASA's ongoing programming and abuse of Pablo and tomorrow. So unless we decide fuck it find a part that can find a reliable fire arm we will probs give the talk thats going on in Pablo's school tomorrow by two Nasa tools a miss.

You know for reasons I'm pretty fucking sure have been pretty well illustrated by now. Even if their plans have changed since the last time we checked. He is going to be safer here. Hopefully..

fuck u world... seriously ..

Of instructed of course we are remembering Scottish Police involvement in taking eggs after were back in Scotland. Isnt help us feel to safe as I'm sure you can imagine. The did the blame bigger bully thing "we wouldnae hurt yi its the CIA" is what they have been saying for 20 years of course and they usually only ever talk to the English, very rare for anyone on the books CIA to have any contact with them at all. Rare we said not never..

Their "it's all the Brits fault" stuff is some quite wonderful material and there are speckles of truth about how it all started but mostly a fabulous example of how the Satanic CIA operates. We were happy to spend long hours listening and reading from them with an eye out for any signs of someone that didnt expect us to believe all this crap. All we usually got was way too exaggerated to be real.

"Your in a room with me alone Sir and you dont expect me to be aware that we are being watched."

How they tortured their own sending them to rescue us just for them to slaughter or capture them.

How when we told some really high up NASA guy everything that was in the building in terms of surveillance, mental and emotional modulation was horrendous. "Scotland levels" we called it. He didnt like that..

We watched and puked our guts up as they all went back into work the next day.

June 07, 2016

Anaiese and Roberto.

Nathan said some stuff and asked some stuff when we got back. God it was so horrible to be back with people who weren't there. He asked if the autopsy footage was real and if was us, about the caravans with less holes in the sides. Just repeating the words and running through the reactions as arranged. Every fucking word any of them has ever said to us. We could see them reading the script in their head. Word for word.

We were sitting on one of the steps outside one of a van we had cleared a day or two and it was spotless now. We were drowning. The flashbacks, the battle between useness and nonusness that we know is RF when its that bad. We keep telling ourself we were just triggered not because we believed but because it calms us down and anything that calms you down when your losing it helps you.

The running through the forest calling Marco Polo sex after forgetting we had been tortured is crap of course. You have to be seriously out of it even with DID for your body not to tell you its not a good time for sex your injured. The walking through the park alone, cursing ourself because we couldnt believe what we were seeing as someone we had set up to happen to no confidence parts before switching and jumping through the other Marco's window to avoid speaking to someone who was about to turn the corner and see us.

It felt very real but that means nothing, not to a couple of institute kids like us. Think was the next day. The self control he had was so triggering. By the time we were passing the empty caravan it was so bad we were struggling to stay on our feat and had to sit down. We couldnt tell our own plans from the rapist programmes, couldnt tell our own traumas from other peoples. We saw him and tried to focus on him. Even as a child we found young Italian men highly watchable and distracting. He hadnt seen us and we were glad we didn't want him talking to us. We were in no fit state for any conversations in any language. But his presence was enough to calm enough of the littles especially when we was close enough to see how unhappy he was.

She hates she seeing sad boys, she cried a little before stepping back to look and give room for the rest of us in the hope we would help the boy and when we saw the way he dragged his feat and the caravan he seemed to be heading for and that he had a family member that never got up and kept in touch with us as any real hope of getting him out. There was a moment of fantastic clearness where we stood up and thanked ourself and everyone who helps the way we use slavers plans to trigger us in submission to trigger their own sudden death. As with every other time we let the fear and the push to submit wash over us knowing all I had in that moment was keep breathing as we watched the teenage boy get closer and closer to the caravan without fighting the triggers.

We were over the bank and he was down. We felt bad for that but we knew where he was. He couldnt be talked in trusting himself or any human again. He had to be shown. Usual. Combo of adapted gynnastics, dancing moves, self defense and combat moves, using the weapons they are coming at us with, deciding wether or not to keep a hold of them but using chuck em their just a distraction and give a false sense of security that dumbs the senses. (pretty certain some of the dudes who taught us "leave no weapon you are the weapon" when really, really little found themselves on the wrong end of their own training).

We weren't hearing music, just the past and our own voices telling us who was where. The walls. No contact. Not something you pick up in the West. Of course there has been many who wanted us to be teaching what we can do to whoever and whatever they choose.. Sometimes we have to switch tactics from not telling them to just giving them what they want but making sure (whenever possible) that we make sure whatever we told them or whoever we told doesnt get very far after. That kind of thing, that violent despots of all kinds are not so much allowed by Brits and Non rougue CIA as arranged and its been allowed to continue decade after decade after decade, that makes us very very angry.

This wasn't the time when there was a lad in his twenties standing around and we ran in and out of the bloodier and bloodier state pointing at vans and asking him "porn" and then running in if he said "yes". His shock decreased as it went on and we started noticing the twinkle. We noticed these fuckers are porn. As they lay at our feat. Christ they were worse. We ran out of that one determined to at least pretend to continue. We could see by the way he had to swing round with his and on his month and not make eyes contact for second. Neither could we. We ran up at bit and pointed to next and he was smiling when he nodded and we turned to run then swung back and said "are they fuck" and we both laughed. He hugged us!

In the state we were in!. Then he got help le grande initiation of the scraping off and hosing down of the Quine. He freaked when he heard voices at the door but we didnt. He was much more uncomfortable with the uniforms than he was the bloodied corpses all over the floor so when he said he could just leave he bolted and we laughed with cabaniere we looking impressed up at spray and down on injuries. We don't even know it was that time when we sitting on a worktop after our gyn checked us out and it was requested we involve them or at least give them a warning next time and we said it was that was impossible because we were too fucked by the Brits and black white power yanks. Our gyn said nothing. We could see he wasnt happy and was distant. When we made eye contact with him we couldnt help but looking down but they all said "no" and wouldnt let us. We explained our actions weren't planned like that. They were being triggered by them attacking us and we know if we go anywhere or even dont go anywhere we will be attacked by the worst of the worst from everywhere.

This wasnt any of those times. These people weren't just another lot who repeated programmes of sexual, physical, emotional, mental trauma on kids and who were trained in fucking with peoples DID, some of these fucks were sources. There wasn't going to be lots of laughing American's slapping our back and encouraging us not to look to at the corpses to closely. There was going to be lots of very peeved CIA, porn producers and slavers of all sorts.

This was the time of the metal cases, that when they arrived and they made sure we saw it we had to be scooped and held we just kept say "umano" and looking, pointing towards them. We knew those cases well. That was when we screamed when we shot one box twice and the other three times. 24 - 2.

 Lying starfished in grass in the sun looking up through the tree there was so much peace, so much quiet, but there was birds, normal external bird song. We wondered if we had ever felt so wonderful. We felt every blade of grass on our shins and arms, every little nugget of crunchy undergrowth. We were drugged? Well probably but this was more than that and we remembered. We were about to cry when we thought, no fuck it, we can do whatever we want and that means feeling that, we know what it is, it's love. We couldnt move we were so tired but we remembered spotting the patch of speckled sun light of few yards away as we took the knife of a long term prolific and extreme child rapist and took it through his throat. We were listening for the sound of metal on bone and that upset us. We were so glad to run to the patch and flop there because we knew with all the physcial exertion we wouldnt be moving for a while.

Someone was calling "Julia" and we hoped they found her because they sounded really upset. Then we remembered we were sometimes called Julia and the young lads were calling for us. That was nice. Someone was wondering about near us. Had we fucked up. Left one injured and alive. It was the boy from earlier on. We had stopped going into the caravan. He was very close, in shock, think he spotted our shoes first and looked up at the rest of us with a mixture of more horror and relief when he met living eyes and then froze as he realised. We tried to tell him with our eyes we were no threat to him. We all know not to smile at people who dont know us very well when covered in blood, not if we want to calm them down anyway. Little wanted to say something. Thankfully he stumbled off before she could and we were alone again with the sky and the ground and the clouds. So exhausted, so at peace and knowing we should enjoy this new amazing feeling.

For a little it occured to us that we might of "gone to far" this time, that the yanks would have us for this. Then we remembered we were heading back to incarceration regardless. Even if we hadnt done a thing. And that American exceptionalism isnt a thing, not like some of them like to think.

 Something moved in the thicker undergrowth. It was a rabbit that we watched for a little bit and wondered if was real and decided it definitly was. So good to see life. Nibbling and hopping being alive and totally indifferent to us, not a rapist, not a slaver, not helping people rape us, never going to hurt any children, not needing to be killed. We were ridiculously emotional. We closed our eyes. As we did we could feel him, the kid, he was standing a bit of the way of watching us and was calmer. That was good.

We woke up when someone in uniform almost stepped on us but still didnt see us. We were going to call out his name but we couldnt speak yet. There was voices, radios, lots of people around know and they were all looking really worried. We have understandings if not the ability translate expressions that mean "on" or "off the scene". We couldnt figure out what they were calling us but they were definitly saying we were off scene. We looked around at the people and spotted a couple of fat cat uniforms that we didnt want to see us anyway. Maybe the dude that almost stood us did see us. Doubt it though. He looked stressed. Not like someone pretending not to see someone. We were still happy to lie there recovering and not being in Scotland or under massive sedation somewhere. Tuscany it's so lovely.

The fat cats looked like they were about to head off and the dude that kept talking definitely hadnt spotted us or he would be get that lot the fuck out of there ASAP. There was something going on. It was in their heads and not in mine. One or two of the lads in the huddle kept looking right at us and still wasnt seeing us. We weren't that far off and the blood equally shade or earth camo isnt that good, not if your actually looking. Whatever it was it was bothering the kid the most he kept rubbing his eyes and shaking his head, been there we thought. Got more and worse recent experience with that shit and thats why he is being more bothered by it. We hadnt moved off. He knew. But he couldnt see us and it was triggering on top of everything else. We focused on him, willing him to calm down so he had some chance of getting through it. He's was being reassured by the cab.

And we remembered the first night, very similar scene but not as major and we were lying in the dark so the blood camo works very well. That time the guy who almost stood on us spotted us. Think we tried to say hi but we about to cry so we stopped and just looked up at him while he breathed and stared. Someone else saw and wondered over "Another one?" we could translate that and we said "Nope" I think. There was lots of swearing and laughing before we had to be scooped up because we couldnt stand and they took the piss out off for letting the side down because we needed to be carried off the scene..

We knew the scooper and cuddled in in a way that took their breathe away and they began an understanding of DID.

The kid looked more relaxed and when he looked over again we could see the relief that in having his senses back and maybe a bit a seeing us. Then he went on with saying he saw nothing and knew nothing. As the fat cats were only just slowly heading off that was for the best. The huddle of lads though. Was it Rocco? Or Tao? no thats not Tao is it.. oh for fucks sake we dont know our own name right now. He was almost seeing us know and he wasnt looking away. Before if we managed to move a foot or arm it made no difference but now he moved his head and looked frustrated. We willed him to us see so hard he had been the first to spot before and eventually there was eye contact and we could see the relief go through him and we so glad to smile at some who would just smile back, regardless.

It spread through their little clump. Well to anyone with sense to see. Eventually the fat cats were getting far enough away and we were not happy about just lying their while our men where getting more and concerned. When one of them started sniffing. We looked over at the kid. We really wanted to communicate to him it was ok to say, someone had spotted the body language in half the lads had transformed and went over and said something we nodded and tried more eye smiling and he pointed.

We still couldnt sit yet. And we could speak. He lifted the sodden girly summer top to check for injuries and I think we managed to say "ok" but out throat was so dry. He called for water and helped us sit up.

After a bit of being held, and watered and cleaned off a bit where we were we remembered why we we couldnt speak. "cases" the guy holding us didnt know what we were saying and came over. He knew. He said no one had been in any the vans, he motioned over to one of them and we couldn't help but snigger when saw the size of the whole in the side of it. The hugger held us tighter out of relief but we could see in his eyes he didnt know. We hoped he would still be able to hug us like that once he did, not because he would think we did something evil but just that it turns everyone cold.

We were helped up, crying know and talking. Someone put there shirt or something over us, we started feeling cold. In the van. There was a few of us three or four in what was left of the van. We said we should open but that was refused and we didnt argue. He knew what was in them. We knew at least one of them was not in any way prepared what he was going to see and we tried to prepare him by showing him to breath deeply once the box was opened and then pointed to the coach but he wasnt understanding. We crouched to the opened once it was done, he was struggling. Trying desperately to keep it together for us. We let him know with a movement of out eyes it was ok for him to run outside an puke and whatever the hell else he needed to do.

We breathed a bit and moved closer to them and made to look back but i dont any eye contact was made and when reached gently in one of them the guy who who told to stay back moved to stop us but was stopped by someone else. He struggled a bit but we heard shocked exclamations when he saw. Ze.

If we lived in a world where we could of got them out in any other way they wouldnt never of been there to begin with. We told ourself that we told them that through all the crying and shaking and switching. To hold their bodies against ours, for us to be given that time and space and to treated with respect whilst we did meant the world. The malformations were bad, genetics, untreated injuries, being kept in a box, we tried to kept our eyes of the genital areas but they were naked so it was impossible not to glimpse some of results of years of horrific sexual assaults. We looked over at the second box and paleness inside a few times, we were putting it off. We didnt want to put him down. We hadnt held him at all before now.

One of the broken since the institutes Marcos appeared behind us and offered to hold him. We told him to go away. Someone had no idea what was going on or didnt care and let him through. We asked if the opener would. He had come back. They were struggling without the military and so were we. It's not like they would be choosing to stay away. He had opened the boxed so the rest reckoned he should be the one to see it through. We notice when crouched back down we were to busy crying and talking to the boy and stroking his hair.

The girl was harder because someone messed up the anaesthetics and we came round during the delivery and saw her before we were told to back to sleep and made to. We told opener this, we had forgotten how much English he spoke and hoped it wasnt very much. He said some and he wished he knew more. We talked him a fair bit with her in our arms. We said how much she looked like Pablo, she was quite fair to and held her limbs and wondered aloud how much the twistedness was down to the genetics and how much was down to the cases and constant sedation in infancy. He agreed she did look like Pablo and sobbed when we talked about her limbs being exactly the same when she was born years ago. Ages are hard to tell in a child who as all developed stunted or prevented but there were about 6-8.

 It took him a while but after a while his professional brain kicked in. He was looking at the bullet holes in the boxes and on the kids. Wtf. Had we opened the boxes, shot the kids,  put them back and then shot holes in the boxes? We saw his confusion and told him we shoot better in the dark sometimes, he looked even more confused. We can feel them we said, a voice in Italian behind us agreed. She was born with mental impairments to match her physical ones. She had two shoots to the head and one in the heart, her brother just one each.

There was a moment of almost light relief when he tried to gently ask if there was incest involved when we were young and literal. We just looked down at the facial features and the limbs of the child in our arms and back up at him and back down, our internal opened her mouth to say something but there was the flash of an older part behind and he had to look away and not laugh as we tried to hold back or at least moderate her sarcasm.

It was increasingly obvious the number of Brits on the scene versus Italian and what was happening to us whenever they walked in or out the van. We were ready to deal with the living again. Opener said he would do it there was to many for to deal with alone. We didnt feel at all up for but when we looked at the kids and the metal boxes we knew we could if we had to. The guy with no English who did sit it ass down eventually so pale and quiet that we forgot he was here until he moved to leave and we looked back at him and to outside and shook our head, he wanted out of there but the coroner wasnt back yet, we didnt want to be alone and we didnt want the Brits killing him stepped up so we sank back down on our hunches. The of two them and whatever out there that wasnt evil would have it covered, especially as most the non sentient Brits still couldnt see that most of them weren't even fucking armed.

They did it. Looking at the faces and the scene after we couldnt help thinking how relieved we would be feeling if this scene was at any other time. We were being led away when we spotted the Italians. Lying face and alive where the dumb blind mind control victim Brits had thought they had shot and killed all of them and were held down until safe by some non visible means and could get up now. One asked if it was us but we said no but we had probably trained them. There was lots of smiles and agreements until some asked what was in the van. We looked between it and them and the coroner. We wanted to tell them to go and see but were so little we needed and adults approval he held us closer and nodded. We told them to wait until we had walked on a bit though and said seconds later to coroner that they wont. He looked back and we could see his eyes roll and rolled ours back him as I braced and leaned on him a little more until out of vomiting and weeping ear shot.

On the walk back down through the site it was dark now and cold and we were chatting coz it helped, trying to remember Italian words for things. We tried to say "cold" but say cauldo instead and then remembered that was wrong and explained that in Scots cold was "cauld" he asked and we talked about Scottish languages and Scotland, he asked what we we thought of independence and we talked about at least with smaller states mean smaller scale centralised corruption. Putin popped his head out of the bushes about then and we smiled and he came over and gave us a hug, warned us about a bugged caravan and offered a sedative we agreed to. We weren't getting any length of quality sleep and the park wasnt going to be quiet.

It was when we walked up the hill and we turned back round that swore under our breath and rolled our eyes at the coroner. Remembering the way he had carefully put the needle back in his pocket. Had the bastard just played us, had we told him it was ok? Coroner was worried we shook our head, maybe involved in protecting the Italians but not the creation and torture of us or the kids. We have said to him that any time you need to administer emergency sedatives he should keep a hold of the DNA if possible and this certainly qualified.

There was hugs from others to, men standing crying with their fists raised. Women battling against triggers. We took all the hugs from all the padres we could before the sedative hit hard and I think we were out before we were changed and in the bed.

That was 08. The production and experimentation to produce armies of humanoids without empathy, without critical thought and without self awareness continued. And there is Sonny so that's 24-2+1 and everyone the product of nothing but slavers, anaesthetics, rape, experiments, and physical restraints.

Nathan said something like he thought the autopsy footage and the cases were from the same incident. We laughed at him. They wanted us to think it was the laugh that sealed out fate but how fucking ridiculous was that? "Our fate" was sealed before we were fucking born.

All those years of kids in Scotland being programmed to be terrified of adults caused they were already dead from some mass war related event that hadn't happened yet. We allways thought it ridiculous, what had "killed" these people was the past and the present and not the future of course but worried about self fulfilling it could be. After finding ourself back being raped and pregnant and injured back in Skene after Italy in 08' we have little hope for much else since.

They are never going to let us be anything else so at least we always know there will always be more war.